


our love is unfinished, finished

by aomidori



Category: No Fandom, Original Work, Poetry - Fandom, poems - Fandom
Genre: Falling In Love, First Love, Gen, Love, Love Confessions, Love Poems, Prose Poem, True Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 21:07:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16103813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aomidori/pseuds/aomidori
Summary: a love poem for my first love.





	our love is unfinished, finished

To the guy with the cutest laugh and the twinkles in his eyes, I used to love you so much.

I used to. Past tense.

It's crazy how I used to cry when I look at you. Not because I realized that I couldn't have you. I have passed that phase long time ago.

I cried because God, I was so in love with you.

How I want you so much, but that's so foolish of me. How can someone like you love someone like me?

How I cried because you're just a ball of sunshine and happiness, I wonder why people couldn't see that side of you. I mean, that probably only happens when you're in love.

I was in denial for a long time. No, I couldn't be in love with you, could I? Someone like me? Meh.

I used to think love was stupid. Romance made me cringe. The idea of liking someone so much, yet alone loving them? Not for me.

I guess I was just scared of love, wasn't I?

You don't know how much courage I need to gather up before talking to you.

Would I look stupid? Would I look hopelessly in love with you? Would you know? You don't know how my voice would slightly shake when I tried to talk to you.

You don't know how I would get goosebumps when our fingers slightly touch when we're passing things.

You don't know how I would do anything to sit or stand next to you.

You don't know how happy I was when you suddenly stand next to me. How I had to move but I couldn't because you're there and I just couldn't.

How you're so annoying that I wanted to slap you so much and swore that I hate you. But you're you, you're there standing cluelessly with your sheepish smile.

How my mind was always filled with you, you, and especially you.

How when I saw things, they reminded me of you. How you hated them, or love them, or disgusted of them, or scared of them. How you would make random opinions and comments on them.

I could list other things that would remind me of you. The things that made me so in love with you. But I couldn't put them in words.

It's crazy how I would glance at people when they said your name.

How I would defend you when someone talked shit about you behind your back. How I needed to hold myself back because if I kept defending you, people would know. They would know that I was so truly madly deeply in love with you.

Even now, when I wasn't so in love with you anymore, I would still defend you. Because fuck, you just do these things that made my heart burst into flowers, butterflies ...and happiness.

Even now, when I wasn't so in love with you anymore, I would go to a fruit shop and how I would smile because the smell of oranges reminds me of you.

God, how I hated the smell of oranges, but then you happened. How I hated the smell of oranges in air freshener and I still do, but somehow your smell reminds me of oranges and I loved it so so much.

I've been that one lucky person who got the chance to bury my face in your hoodie. How my other friend noticed the unique smell of yours. But oh, I wonder if it did the same thing to her as it did to me.

How you would quirk your eyebrow; "really?" showed on your beautiful face. How I would agree on my friend's statement and how you later would hold your folded hoodie and smell it, just to prove our statement was right.

Even now, when I wasn't so in love with you anymore, I couldn't watch scary movies without being reminded of you.

How you were so scared to watch them and how I would laugh at your statement, because fuck, you're there being scared of horror movies while I'm so truly terrified of loving you.

How I would wish I got the chance to see your terrified face, but I didn't and that's completely fine. We all can't get everything we want, right?

It's funny thinking that you're the type of guy who couldn't get the opportunity to be hugged by your date while watching Paranormal Activity, because fuck-dating-I-am-completely-terrified-here was probably on your mind.

It's funny thinking that if I got the chance and if what we had years ago is going on well until now, we'd watch scary movies and I'd let you hide your face behind me, because boys are allowed to be scared of anything as much as girls are allowed to.

Even now, when I wasn't so in love with you anymore, I would think of you when I learn hard subjects; like math. How I would say; 'I bet he understands this faster than a blink of an eye'. Because it's true, how the rest of the class were so so clueless, while you've submitted your work.

How I would sometimes ask you, but of course; I couldn't focus on the lesson. God forbid! You're talking to me! You, with your voice. And you, with your hands gestures. And you, with your messy writings. And of course you.

How my smile would easily spread on my face when I heard that we're in the same group. How I would actually be so so terrified to disappoint you.

Even now, when I wasn't so in love with you anymore, I would smile at your new instagram photos. Because seeing you happy, makes me happy. Even though I don't play any parts in it anymore. Well, that's a lie.

Fuck, I love nothing than seeing you happy. Fuck, I miss you so much.

How I would hope that our fate crosses path and we would meet each other again.

What would I do? Smile and then exchange how are you's? Would you show your happy smile? Would you hug me? That's not likely to happen, but. A girl can dream.

I doubt any of that will happen. I doubt that we'll meet each other anytime soon.

But, if it happens; if we meet each other again. You would probably smile awkwardly at me.

I remembered, I always do remember, your awkward smile.

How you're so uncomfortable that you would rather die (but no, of course, I don't want you to die) that to have this conversation. Not to me of course, because I could read your face; if you're uncomfortable, I'll go.

And now a year later. A year after I claimed that I've moved on from you, that I don't think about you anymore even in the slightest bit.

And I'm trying to arrange beautiful words to end this poem, as beautiful as those words I wrote when I was in love with you.

And I'm struggling, I don't know how to end this.

Now when I'm not in love with you anymore. When seeing you with someone else doesn't break my heart and crush my bones.

I still feel like you've taken a tiny piece of me. No, I don't want it back, you can either keep it or throw it out or burn it down or bury it in the ground.

I want a new piece of me and you couldn't give it, but that's fine. We're fine.

To the guy whose face lights up when he smiles.

I used to love you so much, I hope you can find someone who could love you like I did. But who am I kidding?

 

_—t. x._

_finished, unfinished_

_end of 2016_


End file.
